Aunt Kaky and Alex.

Aunt Kaky and Alex.
Originally uploaded by amberhosford

This picture is priceless. Alex still won't tell me what the joke was that they were laughing at, only that it had to do with monkeys jumping on a bed.

Alex's first car.....

P1020431
Originally uploaded by amberhosford

I didn't get a car until I was 21, but I guess we have to give him a break, he is growing up in the Double Zero's.......

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

New Years.

I hope everyone had a fabulous New Years and that everyone was safe. We had a small gathering at our house, which included Heather and Ben coming in from Indiana and Michelle and her son, Cody, coming up from Georgia. Heather and Michelle headed to bed shortly after 12 and Jessica and I passed out about 1 in my bed, to be woken up around 1.30 by Drew and James, then Drew and Jessica switched spots and the Kerski's went home.
We had fun and much Champagne was drank by all.
Today I have been doing some reflecting, and although I have changed a lot about myself in the past year, there are still a bunch of things I need to work on, including the way I treat some people. This is my New Years Resolution.
As far as Drew and Alex's.... who knows. I made up Alex's and that was for him to learn how to speak! Haha. I know I will be dreading this decision shortly, but for right now, I can't wait for him to speak and to start telling me great and fabulous things and for me to understand them. Right now he tells me great and fabulous things, but it comes out in Swahili, and unfortunately I don't have a translator.

So, I leave you with a picture from when Drew's parents were here for an early Christmas. Three Hosford generations.

So long, and be safe.

New Mexico and BEYOND!

Well, we psuedo-Tennessean's made it to New Mexico and back in one piece. Although Alex did almost loose his shoe on the people mover at the Denver elevator. Thankfully, we got the shoe back, but not the leg... we are currently in litigation with a man who claims it's his, but obviously it's ours.

YES! we had fun.
YES! drew got to go to a freakin casino.
YES! Only one of us got sick (drew's karma for going to the casino).
YES! Alex was a bear on the way home, but
YES! He slept for 11 hours! (I haven't slept through this side of 8 am in a year and a half).

Not only did we see my fabulous Aunt and Grandmother, we also got to see my brother who I didn't think was going to be in town till the 2nd. But, ALAS! We got to hang out and go to lunch.

Having lived in the Mid-West off and on for about 10 years now, going back to the SOUTH-West is always an adventure. It's like a completely different world out there. Not just because of all the stray she-buddies running around, but also the architecture, landscape and the people are just amazing. The older I get and the more I go out there I begin to want to move there. It would also be nice to be closer to my family, especially as Alex is getting older. But, Drew wants to move back to Indianapolis, which is also fine, I just hope he realizes the cost of plane tickets as our family expands!!
I went to New Mexico 3 times this years.... that's a RECORD for me! I figured I had to make up for the past 7 years that I have hardly gone there at all.
Christmas was fun, Alex was finally old enough to realize, kinda, what was going on. We had fun in the Snow in Gallup as well. On Christmas Eve I did my grand-daughter duties and took my grandmother to evening Mass, which brought back memories of going when I was little with both grandparents and made me sad. But it was just great.

What's with today, today?

I've been in such a crazy mood all day. And, on top of that, I've had a horrible headache. At first I thought it was a hangover cuz I had me some beerz last night, but It's been all day. I think I should probably start actually WEARING the glasses I have sitting on my dresser. Ha!
Well, I'm trying to get Christmas ready, which is a feat!!! Drew's parents will be here in 10 days and we are having that Christmas early, so it's been crazy shopping time, and wrapping and craziness. I'm sending all of MY families stuff back to NM for the Christmas we will have there, but half of it is still in the Kiln at school, or in the process of being FIRED that I haven't gotten it all boxed up yet. Bleh.
I've decided to take time off of school. Drew gets out of the army in 16 months and I will be able to go to school without taking loans, so we are going to wait until then for me to go back. It's good and bad. I'm still working at Petsmart but we've been so slow!!! And I haven't worked in two weeks because of Finals and whatnot.
Alex is up and walking, being CRAZY. I can't beleive how fast he has grown, just yesterday he was sleeping in between drew and I in bed. It's making want to have another baby. I don't know how people can't want ONE more after they see how much fun the first one is. Yeah, it's really stressful sometimes, and sometimes I loose my cool, but jeez, alex is just so much FUN. CAPITAL F U N.
HAHA.

Maybe next year ;).

I feel so weird.....

So, my bipolar is having World War 67 in my body, and I don't like it. For example - right now, I'm really excited because I got three new Ceramic books, I started a sculpture of my leg that we don't have to even begin till thursday, I finished the one of my arm that we are supposed to finish tomorrow in class, my friend Britany and I are going to talk to our professor about building a Soda Kiln at school, I found five glazes in my new glaze book that I want to try out..... in other words, I'm starting to DO STUFF.....but, on the other hand - my body is freaking out - pissed off this morning for no reason, pushing people away from me that are my friends, getting mad at alex for something stupid that he can't help, mad at my husband...... just stupid shit. I don't want to be angry, or seclusive, or pissed off.... I just am.

I hope some body understands, cause I surely don't.

I'm tired of investing myself so much into so many people that either a) don't give a damn, or b) don't feel like they need to invest their time in me. I shouldn't have to be pathetic and beg people to hang out with me, including my own husband, but sometimes I feel like I do. But then, on the flip-side, I'm coming to realize that I'm everywhere, all the time. I never slow down. I work hard, play hard and sleep hard. But, I like that. I never really have time to think anymore - which I like. In these modern times they (who's they??) make it really difficult for anyone to be absolutly, completely, alone. I'm not saying that I'm afraid to be alone - because I love hanging out with just me and alex, or being by myself in the house, just doing my own thing.... but it's when I'm out - when I'm driving, when I'm throwing, when I'm grooming, when I'm lost inside myself, and inside my thoughts and ideas and craziness, that scares me.
My teacher asked me the other day if I have A.D.D. Maybe I do..... I'm always running from one thing to the next, it's hard for me to just sit still when there is so much stuff to DO. Wake up, get dressed, get alex up, feed alex, pack up car, go to school, make clay, make glazes, read, do research, go to class, eat lunch, run upstairs, make copies, hang posters, do this, do that.....
I love being busy, it's the sadness I feel inside myself that I don't love.

I miss Ryan and Jill. They made me calm down and sit and relax and watch a movie without doing five things at once, and just be.
I miss Heather and two years ago. When I was living in the RV and just being me. Now, don't get me wrong, I am happy and I am so glad for the past two years of my life - but it was nice, then, to be alone. After Myles broke off our wedding and I was just ....me..... for 5 months. It was nice. I didn't have to divide myself up between so many things that I can't keep track of..... I didn't feel like people and things and projects were just chipping away at me, piece by piece.

I look in the mirror now and I see wrinkles, and lines on my face that I don't remember getting, and I see my mother. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing - but I just don't want it to go so fast that I start forgetting things. I forgot the death-a-versary of Ryan. Which made me sad. I'm forgetting so much that happened to me - my old counselor was right - I did need to write things down so I would remember..... and now all those times my therapist told me to have a diary really means something. I never wrote in a diary - ever. And now I'm missing everything. My ex-boyfriend's dad had a journal he wrote in everyday. I once asked him why, and what he wrote, and he said "I just don't want to forget what I did on this day ever" and I said, "All we did was go to church have lunch and then hang out all afternoon and then had dinner" and he said "exactly".





All I did today was go to school and then to work and then came home and worked on a project.



Exactly.....